by Jerry Marrs
Working with a coach creates tremendously positive impacts on life. Coaching affords an individual the opportunity to recreate their life by shedding past hurts and nonpowerful beliefs, and allows them to create a new life, and an authentic voice, governed by positive and powerful thoughts and beliefs.
If you sit down and talk with someone, certain topics will almost always arise. First, the three regrets (would have, could have, and should have) will pop up. In short order, self-loathing appears in the form of absurdly negative descriptions of one’s self, such as, “I am stupid,” “I am worthless,” “I am such a loser,” and the ultimate, “I hate myself.” Peppered throughout the conversation are statements about what other people think of them, or more precisely, what they have decided to believe others think of them, which usually just affirms their own self-loathing.
Other times people get caught up in their heyday and routinely relive their “glory days.” Despite their accomplishments, they now feel a sense of loss, or inadequate, because “something is missing.” Essentially, they are not the same young, ambitious, athletic, or energetic being they once were, and it causes a feeling a loss. I have seen this scenario play-out in a variety of ways, such as when a father inappropriately pushes their child athletically. As a youth coach, I frequently witnessed other coaches berate and push their child to succeed because the adult was reliving their glory days through their child. And trust me, I have seen countless kids drop out of sports because of parental pressure.
All these topics are generally created from one place, the past. Whether due to regret or the loss of what once was, living in the past is generally destructive to one’s sense of self-worth. When we live in the past, we compare our present to what could have been, or what was, rather than basking in the incredible world around us. We also allow the past to define who we are today and use that definition of self to decide how we participate in and view the present.
Through coaching, we recreate one’s life be redefining who they are. This definition is not made up or created, rather it is formed from the innate person they were born to be and the positive person they desire to be. The negative voices, memories, and losses are gradually expunged from one’s mind and vocabulary. Instead of focusing on the past, their attention becomes laser focused on the present. A present where they do not say they are stupid or a failure, but rather a present that acknowledges and rejoices in all the positive attributes they bring to this world.
In my coaching, I work with an absolutely belief that you are your word. This means several things. First, it means that if you give your word, you keep it. If you cannot do something, then say so. Second, your words create YOUR truth. You believe what you say about yourself and what you say about others. Thus, recognize the impact your words have on you and those around you. Third, your words create your world. This means, you are going to see what you look for and find ways to authenticate your truth. Therefore, use words to create a world of positivity rather than discord or hate.
This work will have another benefit as well – it will restore your voice. The restored voice is one of confidence that is absolutely true to your being. It is a voice that when others hear it, they know it is truly YOU who is speaking. It is a voice that can always be counted on for the truth. This is a voice that few people wield, for it is unafraid to be heard, it does not tell lies or half-truths for fear of ridicule, and it does not tell lies or half-truths for profit or gain. Rather, it is pure because it emanates from the core of your being.
Living this new life will have unexpected and valuable benefits. Some specific benefits I have experienced includes a stronger sense of peace, deeper and more meaningful relationships, the ability to truly participate in the present, and positive physical changes because I am no longer living burdened by stress. Truly, the changes you can bring to your life, your spouse’s life, your children’s lives, and to the relationships you hold dear, are priceless.